My Subaru

This is what my Forester looks like now. Plain Jane. Plastic piece of crap bumpers and standard height.
This is what I want to do to my Forester. Heavy duty metal bumpers and a 3 inch lift. I also dig the rear tire holder. i Muy Macho!

Jesse, what can you do to your Geo, tint the windows? Ha ha!

Picture of the real Eric Bishop

Jamie Foxx was born Eric Bishop. Not my coworker.

Great American

I present to you, the Greatest American since George Washington and the Greatest co-worker since Woody at Cheers.

Confession

Typical beach we slept at in Mexico.
San Felipe, a sleepy fishing town, also the home of the fish taco, yummy!


Since everyone in the dept. is basically spilling the beans on past and present crimes, I too will confess of my brush with the justice department or Departamento de la Justicia de Mexico. It was Spring Break of 2000. My room mate and I decided to go to Mexico and sleep on the beaches of Baja California for the week. By chance, one of my uncles was actually going to be in San Felipe during the same week for an off road race, think Baja 1000 but smaller. The first half of the week was awesome, we slept in a tent on a different beach each night. We ate good food at restaurants and from street vendors. Pure Fun! On Thursday, we met up with my uncle. He rented two beach houses. Enough for his older sons, the driver, and the five Mexicans that work for my uncle (he's in the drug business in case you were wondering). We helped with the race by fueling the race car (Baja Bug) at the pit stops. It was a blast. Our team didn't win, but it was fun. After the race we ate a restaurant and everyone but me and my roommate got drunk. Since we were the only sober ones, we had to buy the candles for the night (no electricity at the beach houses). When we got home from the market, my drunk uncle had successfully started yelling expletives and getting everyone riled up. Now my uncle is about 4 inches taller than me and 50 pounds heavier and his name is Big Jim. This is when I was thinking it would be a good time to get going. So we packed our bags and headed North. This is when the real fun starts. More later.

Profile Picture

This is where I lived in my mission for 6 months. This was the good neigborhood of East Saint Louis.

Mexico

Do not ever drive in Mexico without first purchasing Mexican Car Insurance. Other wise you go to prison when you get in an accident. More to come.

Britney Spears, Gross!

Previous image removed because of dry heaving.


Yeah, I know this isn't a contributing journalist's blog from People magazine, but I've had enough. And what I'm going to type can't be repeated in People anyway. The image above was taken from the online version of People. The printed quality is lot better, but you get the point.
Item number 1. Look at her knees and her calves. The knees are doubled, as in double chins. The lower calves are just plain big and fat. While I'm no size 6 petite, I wear conservative clothing while in public. I also don't depend on looks for my career (thank goodness). Now onto Kevin. Not only is his underwear showing and his wifebeater looking slimy,but look at the pager on his hip. What? You don't see one, neither do I because it's a freaking garage door opener! The word Genie is quite legible in the print edition. As can be seen, he has about 6 big pockets on his shorts, yet decides to put the garage door opener where he can impress everyone. I want to vomit!
Normally I don't care about celebrities or even read People magazine, but my wife bought one (magazine, not celebrity, I hate potty-training) and I had about 45 minutes to kill. I keep thinking that if we just ignore the Spears-Federline union, they would go away. But she is an attention whore and needs to be out and photographed. The word emnity is coming to my mind. (Quivers)
I wont be in work on Monday, I'm taking my daughter to Primarys for testing. One of her kidneys isn't draining correctly. Hopefully it's nothing serious.
Take care guys.

Ummm, I thought this was the weekend

Ok, so today was exceptionally busy. My wife let me sleep in till 7:30 and then it was nonstop after that. We took all the boxes from our storage room and back shed and put them in the living room. Four hours later I was in the drop off lane at the D.I. We got rid of a ton things we will never use or need again. The storage room actually makes sense and the back shed can now be used for it's real purpose, my future woodworking shed. Give me another two years to get all the tools I need. I plan on making wooden caskets to sell on Ebay or locally. It's been something I've been thinking about for 3 years. My wife and I were talking about what we would do if we won the lottery, I knew I would just build things with wood for the rest of my life. So until then,it'll just be a hobby.

My neighbor across the street, J. Kirk Richards, is about two years older than me and he is already an up and coming artist. Google him and see his work. He's kind of inspired me to be more creative and use my fledgling artistic abilities. Any way I plan on using my right side of my brain more often to even out the hemispheres. This will give me the equilibrium I'm looking for . That's all for now.

Latrine

As promised in previous post. The unusable urinal in the Chinese Restaurant.

Driving in Style

Unlike Brandon, my van was a lot cheaper to fix than his Geo(may it rest in peace). I picked it up yesterday after paying $198 for two parts for the ignition. It now runs as smooth as a silk. Never before did it drive as great as it does now. I mash the gas pedal and 13 seconds I'm going 60mph! That may seem like a long time, but I previously had to use a calendar to time it.

So at work, someone ( not quite sure who at this point) came up with the idea to make a quasi-free for all blog for the hi-tech dept. Only hours after it's inception, its a success.

As everyone knows in the dept. a certain someone left Dentrix. I entered the dept. being naive. I thought "......" was an ok guy. Only after being told what happened did I change my mind. Dentrix will carry on without him.

PS. My van will be going to California this weekend without me. My mother's mother passed away last October and they are just now getting ready to sell the house. Her siblings are meeting this Saturday to divy up the belongings and my mother plans on taking things to her house. That's what happens when you have a van or a truck. People borrow it to move their things. I don't care really, the van's 15 years old.

Test post

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Weekend from Hell

On my way home from work on Friday, my van dies on the off ramp to University Parkway. At first I thought the gas was gone because the needle was in the red. Thankfully I was able to get the P.O.S on the side before it stopped coasting. The gas station was just a few blocks away, but damn it, it was up hill and on the other side of two four lanes streets going on and off the freeway. Needless to say I walked all the way to the streetlight to cross the street and walk down to the station. After pleading to use a gas can, I got back to the van with gas. The can only held a gallon and I hoped and prayed it would suffice. No, it didn't start and damn needle was out of the red zone. Lo and behold a Highway Patrol stops and asks what the problem is. ( As if a big fat van stuck on the side of an offramp is a Problem.) He said he would push the van across the street and I could coast to gas station. (It's uphill remember.) I was about to ask him how he expected to push it, but thought better of it. So sitting in the drivers seat, I left my door open in case he needed help. CLOSE THE DOOR NOW! Whoa! I didn't know he was carrying a bullhorn and push the car at the same time. This guy obviously works out everyday. After closing the door the van starting moving. Slowly at first, then really fast. He was pushing with his car, what a brainiac! My van is power steering and power brakes and it was hairy trying to keep the van under control. I coasted into the gas station and pulled next to a pump. After putting 5 gallons of gas in the tank(I wasn't going to fill it if it didn't work) the van still didn't start. 45 minutes later my wife picks me up dressed in her asian costume. Sh!#, I forgot about the her friends party that night. Damn it! Not only did I just run out of gas, get nearly sideswiped by all oncoming traffic, and get ramrodded by a UHP, I get to go to my wife's friends' Geisha style birthday party in Holladay. Rushing home and taking a shower and dressing up and getting a babysitter and we were ready. The party was boring, I would have rather stayed home and watched infomercials. I knew about four people there and I wasn't feeling social after my hour and half of fighting my car. Yeah so that was my week end.

Dog Stroller

I'm sorry, but when your dog has to be carried around the beach or outdoors because of a bad hip or injury, it's time to take the dog behind the barn and end it's pitiful life with a shot in the head.